Like many fictional worlds, the history of the Star Wars universe is better documented than some actual civilizations. Still, even in this obsessively chronicled saga, there are gaps in our knowledge. The reasons for these gaps are unclear, but since Star Wars fans are required to blame everything on George Lucas I will attribute it to him. Thankfully, I have been able to uncover The Hidden Journal of the Whills so that I can bring you some of these little-known details "Darth" Lucas" doesn't want you to know. Today's inaugural installment focuses on Princess Leia.
Many Star Wars fans know that rebel pilot Wedge Antilles is one of the few characters to make it through all three of the original Star Wars movies. What they don't know is that he had a fling with Princess Leia in the gap between The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi. Hey, we've all been there - falling into the arms of another when your true love is encased in Carbonite. Wedge understood what Han meant to Leia and requested a dangerous assignment near the planet Sullust to ensure nothing further would happen. Though Leia was furious at first, she came to appreciate Wedge's gesture and he was later asked to be Bendu-patra (Star Wars equivalent of godfather) to one of her children with (we think) Han Solo.
Princess Leia was wrapping the chain around Jabba the Hutt's neck in Return of the Jedi remains one of the most iconic moments of the whole saga. What most people don't know is that Jabba was really getting into it. Though he initially thought that hanky-panky in the midst of Luke and friends' escape attempt was the wrong move, the crime-lord's depraved impulses won out, so he went along with it - until it went too far.
Check back soon for another disturbing installment of Star Wars - The Hidden History.
Disclaimer: Star Wars is George Lucas' intellectual property, and parody is my legal right. Can't we all just get along?
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